Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In America we eat man semen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
