I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
