I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
