Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
