the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize