You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drake has all the answers
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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