I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Vodka?
Forever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
