Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
