Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
