I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
