ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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