she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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