can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
