Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
