What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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