so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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