I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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