Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
