Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
