He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
