I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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