covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
