You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
