I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
