she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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