you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
