The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
