Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
