I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
