you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
