It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
