Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was like eating out sand paper
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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