Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You pole danced in your parka.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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