So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
