I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
