I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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