the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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