so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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