First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
