considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
