The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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