Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
