I think I just saw someone hide a body.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
