This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize