I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
