peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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