my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
