It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
