A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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