Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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