Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
