I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
