if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
