I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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