The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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