Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how drunk are you?
Several
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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