I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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