singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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