I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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