So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
