when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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