Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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