She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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