I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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