He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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