i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
