I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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